How to deal with a disrespectful grown child is a difficult thing. Because kids are very sensitive Strictness and also more love can ruin their personality. We should very careful with kids.
Human beings have different stages of life. From being a toddler to becoming old life has its own colors. A little child can be taken care of the way we want to.
But once the child starts to walk and then talk, it becomes difficult to control them.
You can’t dictate them or force them to follow your instructions word to word. They become individuals.
They like to experiment and want to explore everything by themselves.
A child becomes disrespectful when he/she is restrained from everything. When parents try to use their children as puppets.
And don’t let them do or try anything new on their own. Although parents do all this in order to save their children from any trouble children don’t like to be controlled.
The role of parents is to guide the children through right and wrong and then letting them be on their own.
But what most of the parents try to do is to control their child’s actions. They try to make decisions for them instead of letting them do it for themselves.
This behavior doesn’t work on every child and instead of becoming obedient kids become rebellious.
How To Deal With A Disrespectful Grown Child
The age of grown-up children is the most crucial time of their personality development.
This is the time when they are going through puberty, start to discover their rights, and begin to have their own say.
Parents need to be very conscious and very careful while dealing with grown-up children because it’s up to them how their children will come out.
Let’s look into the ways of dealing with a disrespectful grown child.
Listen To Your Children
The one mistake that parents make is that they don’t listen to their kids. They don’t value the opinions and choices of their children which in turn makes the kids disobedient and disrespectful.
By listen doesn’t mean to agree on everything they say. But it means listening to their opinion carefully.
Let’s see how you can let your child feel important.
- Whenever you are about to take any family related decision, do tell your kids about that. Also, seek their opinion as well.
- When they are talking, listen to them carefully and show interest.
- Ask questions if you want to inquire more about their thoughts.
- If you agree with them or if you want to consider their opinion then let them know that you liked their thoughts and appreciate them.
- If you want to disagree with them then give them proper reasoning on why you think it is not a good idea. Don’t insult them or ask them to keep quiet. Or simply say a no. Always let them know why you are rejecting their idea/ opinion and what else and better options you have.
This practice will help your child in the following ways:
- They will develop a sense of responsibility
- They will learn about agreement and disagreement, and how to build an argument calmly.
- They will learn that there could be other better ways to do think than the one you had in your mind.
- Their mind will become broader and they will become more accepting.
- They will not choose the disrespectful way of talking to you while making an argument.
Always remember, children, do what you do, not what you tell them to do.
Treat Them With Respect
We as a parent think that children are supposed to give us respect and obedience. And in return, we treat them us our puppets and as our subordinates. We feel ashamed in giving them respect. We think that parents are to be treated with respect. If we will respect a child he/she will become independent and self-regulating. Which is taken as a wrong impression.
Always treat your child with respect. Remember the following formalities to do with your children.
- If you have done something wrong with them or have committed some mistake then do apologize from them. This will make them more humble and will teach them the importance of an apology.
- Let them complete their talk. Don’t cut them in the middle. This will show them that they say has importance and that they are also a significant part of the family.
- Don’t shout and beat them on/for their mistakes. Try to tell them calmly about their mistake and how to avoid them in the future. This will make them confident and they won’t hide their mistakes from you out of fear.
Giving respect to your children will buy you the respect that you want. It is the rule of the world to get respect, give respect. The respect you get in return for disrespectful behavior is not respect but is the result of fear that you have created around you.
Behave And React Calmly
The common mistake that parents make is that they become loud and starts shouting when they are angry (in general and angry with kids). This thing makes your child behave in the same way. They know that this is how to make the other person agree with you.
Always try to react calmly and in a composed way.
Take Guidance From The Following Points:
- If you think and know that you are going to react so badly on anything then take a break and leave the space for the time being. Leave the house or go into another room. When your anger will calm down or you will become in a state of talking humbly then start talking.
- Keep this thing in mind that your children will learn from your actions and you have to become a role model for them.
- Don’t raise your expectations with your children, they are in their learning stage they would make mistakes. So, mentally prepare yourself for that and welcome their problems with calm and composed behavior.
This will develop a friendly and sharing relationship with your children and they will feel easy and open while sharing their problems or mistakes with you.
If you will behave in a composed manner, they will also try to maintain that atmosphere while talking. Maybe they may misbehave or disrespect you but eventually, they will realize their mistake and will start behaving in a better way.
Look Into The Causes Rather Than The Outcome
As a parent, we need to understand the psychology hidden behind our child’s behavior. A good parent won’t start blaming and cursing its child for behaving badly or punishing them but will try to understand the motive behind such behavior.
Always try to figure out the causing factor. The reason that is making your child behave in a certain way.
There Could Be Several Reasons:
- Your kids want something for a long time and you kept on denying it.
- They want you to let them do what they want
- Kids are angry with you for some of your behavior or on something embarrassing that you said to them in front of their friends.
- Children/Child feel that you don’t give them due credit for what they do for you or your family.
- They feel you are unfair to them in comparison to other siblings.
- You always take them for granted
- You still treat them like a child
- Always make decisions for them and tell them once you have taken them.
- Their routine is so messed up that your strictness is required to make it right.
- You gave them a free hand before and now you are paying for that*.
- They are under the pressure of studies
*This point means that it doesn’t mean that you keep on listening to everything that your child asks you for.
There must be a balance. Neither be so strict that you don’t even allow them what could be harmless for them nor you give them a free hand to do anything they want and make their life a complete mess.
You as a parent should know the dos and don’ts for your child.
Talk To Them
After listening you need to talk to them.
Once they have returned in their normal state, go to them and talk.
Use the following techniques to deal and talk to a disrespectful child
- Go to their room, knock at their door. Ask for permission to get in.
- Ask them if they are free to talk. Remember to be gentle and calm. Don’t be in anger and rage.
- Once they allow you to talk then ask them what is happening to them lately. Why they are being rude and disrespectful.
- Try to keep your tone and voice lower on the matter if they start to misbehave.
- If they misbehave a lot more then you were expecting then leave the room without saying anything. There is a chance that they will come to you on their own.
- If they don’t come to talk to you then try to talk to them after 1 or 2 days. Until then show them all the love and care without saying any words.
- If they share the problem and reason behind their misbehavior then understand it. Apologize if it is because of your past behavior or mistake or is any way related to you. There is no shame in apologizing.
- If there is any other reason than trying to solve it altogether. Let your child know that you are with them.
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How to deal with a disrespectful grown child are elaborated in the best possible manner. It is all connected to parents because one way or another is it the parents who can help their children in changing or adapting the same behavior or habit, that they are lacking in them.
Children are the responsibility of their parents. But parents must not forget that their child is also an individual and can have his/her own choices and opinions.
Have a safe day!